Happy New Year! And Merry Last Day of Christmas!
For those that have been following along on social media, you may have seen that Chef and I celebrated ten years of marriage this week. Wednesday, to be exact.
Anniversaries in our house are often overlooked, a bit of an afterthought. It’s often the last day of a month of days of chaos. It’s the crash and burn.
A little window into our lives – both boys have December birthdays, plus about 16 other birthdays between December 1 and 31st, my niece was born last week (I am so in love, my kids are so smitten), adding in a celebration, plus that little thing called Christmas, which as it turns out is a multi-day celebration and a ton of fun, and because it’s December there are road trips, and day trips to see and experience just those special Christmas things, and it’s all wrapped up with a fun combo cousin-birthday-New-Year’s-Eve celebration. While I am having fun doing all that, Chef is working morning, noon and night. So you see friends by the time January 3rd comes around, we both have had many years where we have found ourselves in the crash and burn stage with no energy left to celebrate us.
I actually began to chuckle thinking of some our anniversaries. Our first, we had become parents five days earlier. The second, we had moved to a new home three months prior, and we focused our energy into hosting a huge we-survived-our-first-year-of-parenting-and-so-did-LT party, and I am pretty sure it was in the midst of a Ravens wild card game. By the time our third anniversary came around, so did the arrival of L2. Any parent can see the the slippery slope Michel and I found ourselves on. Parenting had quickly trumped our ability to put each other first. I think it may have been our sixth wedding anniversary before we both agreed we needed to celebrate, and all four of us were sick as dogs. Looking back, you just have to laugh.
Parenting had quickly trumped our ability to put each other first. Have all married couples with kids not experienced this? And when we do or have, how do we get back to that place that we aren’t just two people cohabiting? The toughest questions friends. The toughest questions.
In the spring of 2016, I found myself, for several months living in a rather melancholy state. I was preparing to send L2 off to kindergarten the following fall, and it really had forced me to reevaluate what my role as a parent and a mom was. I had a moment that I realized, both boys would be in school full time, and what did that mean for me? I had been full time mothering. (For the record, I still am, but it has changed, and I promise to get us back to marriage in a minute.) It was in those few months of reflection and reevaluating that I realized parenthood has an expiration date, and I was quickly looking down the barrel of it. It’s ten plus years away, but that last ten have gone by in a blink of an eye, how quickly will the next ten pass? It was in that time I realized what I needed most was to yes, continue to be the best parent I could be, but to grow my relationship with Chef because that’s my forever relationship. That’s the person I love the most, and I can’t imagine what my life would be like without him.
It wasn’t immediate, but we did begin to reprioritize our together time. We both still struggle with how much together time can and should be dedicated to our business, and just for and to each other. It’s a balancing act, as we both continue to learn and grow. Starting out it wasn’t perfect. We both had big plans for the fall of 2016. We could have regular lunch dates, and go on hikes, and I would launch the blog and begin writing more, it was pie in the sky dreams, all that in time came to fruition, but the flood really jammed up all those plans for awhile, but above it all, it quickly led us down a path of learning to depend on each other. The flood showed our greatest strengths and weaknesses, and there was no place left to hide, but in each other.
The dust settled both literally and figuratively and this past year has been a year of fun and making memories and enjoying each other as husband and wife, and enjoying (for the most part, but I really could do without the whining part) parenting. I knew in my heart we both needed a break, and sneaking away even for two days was just what we both needed.
Back when we first started dating we were much more spontaneous with our time because our schedules were so wacky, so we returned to an old fave, and spend two days in DC. We took in a Wizards game, dined at two of our favorite DC restaurants, took long naps, walked in the freezing cold because we could, sat by a fire, and loved each other. It was just the right amount of time to remind us how much we love and enjoy each other, impressed on us both the importance of taking more time for us, and yes, you can go at least two whole days without missing anyone whine.
What has the last ten years taught me about marriage? Here are a few things.
- I am not perfect, not even close, but I love Chef with all my heart, and each day I strive to show him, even if it is just making sure he has clean uniforms.
- Time together, even at ones (usually mine) worst is more valuable than time apart.
- It sometimes feels like our kids rule the roost, but at the end of it all, they will both go onto be successful men in their own right, and Chef and I will return to being husband and wife with very little parenting left.
- It’s not always peaches and cream. It’s not always in like, but in love, we dig deep for each other.
- I am so damn thankful he chose me, and loves me as much as he does. My hope is he knows how much love him.
- Dating while married kicks single dating’s butt everyday of the week. I am so thankful we have returned to a place in our marriage where we can find the time for just that.
I am already looking forward to what the next ten years and beyond brings. There is no one I would rather be doing this life with than Chef.
PS. A few things I learned while gathering the photos:
- 2018 will be the year I get them all into albums (A blog post will be coming, I can see it already.)
- Chef and I do not take enough photos together.
- Almost every photo I am wearing sunglasses. (They are my go to accessory, along with a watch.)
- Chef really puts up with a lot. My hair in our twelve years together has been long, short, shorter, blond, brown, purple, blue, green and pink.